In the past – I – just like many have used my shop front as an idealistic projection of myself. It’s the window or portal that I’ve proudly displayed only the best parts of myself to the world… the pieces of myself that I thought were going to make me more appealing to others to entice them into the boutique that is ME.
What I cared about – how pristine it was, how polished it was… How it compared to others… I decored it only with the ‘shiniest aspects of my personality / my life’; my lightness, my bubbliness, my fun, my sass.
Don’t get me wrong – these are all parts of me – but show casing them alone (in isolation)…They are simply fragmented ornaments of self misconception…
You see, life is more than just a highlight reel… and even if you like my shop front enough to come into my shop – or vice versa – its only a matter of time before you will feel the undercurrent of energy seeping out from under the door of my back room….
Ohhhh my back room – the storage place of everything else that is me.
Let me show you around…
To the left – those little ones… they house the elements of my personality that pop up from time to time i.e. my stubbornness, my aloofness, my chronic ability to detach, my ice queen and the parts of me that rebel when I feel like ‘I have to do’ something.
To the right.. they house the darker shit. Mostly the heavier patches of stuff and shadows that I’ve committed to sifting through in this lifetime.
And those ones…. Those big ones in the middle – they house the rest of my kinks, my quirks, and a collection of ropes, whips, lingerie and pleasure wands.
If its just a matter of time in relating before we see each others back rooms… Why hide them?
In the throws of passionate spirit and creating change – part of me is like fuck it lets rip the building down so there is no segregation in being and part of me is like ah Zo that’s a little extreme… Your little girl still needs a bit of cushioning.
To play with balance.
For me, balance feels like putting an item or two from my back room in my shop front – and taking a couple of shiny things out the back… And blending a bit of light and shade in both areas and making sure how I present in the shop is authentically me at any given point in time – happy, sad, angry or otherwise…
Maybe less people will come in? Maybe more will? Who knows?
Does it even matter?
What I keep coming back to in the journey of this post is that people who are meant to be in your life will love all of you – all of your quirks, all of your boxes and all of your shininess.
So just be.
All of you.
And play with being seen in all of that.