TINDER; POST MATCH MUSINGS...

After two years of being offline, I’m back on! Tinderly speaking…

My online cherry popped at the end of my 6 year relationship… With swipe rights baring the fruits of wining, dining, late night lingerie hotel escapades and my introduction/s to squirting!

…. Yewwwww 💦💃🏻

Back again and now more than ever I am appreciating the uniqueness, wit and quirk of what it take to ‘really match’ after the two little love circles kiss on the screen.

Take or leave what you want from this -but here are some musings from my latest experiences and some of the things I fucking love 🙌🏼

THE ICE BREAKER

For guys or ladies – regardless of who makes the first move…

‘Hey’

‘Hey, how are you?’

‘Hey, what you doing?’

They’re OK 🙄, but not so memorable.

I can feel the difference in an intro with someone who has taken the time to read about me (even briefly) and craft some words around it.

Channel some of your inner cheekiness / spunk / and tap into your spark…

Be the first impression that you would love to respond to!

THE FLOW

Conversation flow is like a dance… Some connections feel like two left feet and some feel like a saucy samba…

Receive what’s shared and ask open ended q’s…

Get creative with the q’s you ask.

Park the weather and the small talk….

Who is that person your talking to? What lights them up? I feel the difference between people who have an interest in getting to know me behind the 5 photos and the screen.

Im sure you know this feeling too…

Oh and re the two left feet… Be patient and feel the lightness and humour in it… Some of the best connections I’ve made have been after stepping on eachothers toes and sharing a laugh.

THE BIG Q

If you want to meet… Ask.

I hear so often that people ‘talk heaps’ on there but it never goes any further… Why? Because no one takes the lead.

Men – I love it when you do it but equally I’m just happy to ask for what I want if the desire is strong enough….

I tend not to though, because the bare truth of it though is that when a man unequivocally knows what he wants and openly (AND charmingly) asks for it… I feel the solidarity in him.

Which, for me as a woman… Is freaking hot.

THE DATE

I’m a bit of a free spirit with the rules around what should / shouldn’t be done with this…

I generally like to go to somewhere neutral where my charm and coordination can shine. Ie I probably wouldn’t go stand up paddle boarding in a remote lake and free dive to the bottom on ‘date 1’… *crickets*…

If your doing dinner choose a restaurant / cafe that reflects your personality and is something that you love, if you go the the beach pack an umbrella and if your going for a late night stroll along along a board walk (ditch your heels)!

In the same token I have gone to less neutral places – yes to his house. I love seeing a man create a meal in his kitchen and seeing how he moves in the space. (It’s often a pretty good indication of how he moves in life). How we do one thing is how we do everything…

The only over arching thing I will say here is know yourself, your yes’s, no’s and clear boundaries… They are the important things I would encourage here.

#safetyfirst

THE SEX

I say release the dogma around ‘when is acceptable and not acceptable’ to do this… And release expectation that it’s even going to happen.

Personally I am more guided to do what feels good and follow the natural flow…

Resisting this makes me tense in my body… Which shuts me down.

The only thing that’s changed for me in my two year break has been consciously checking in with my 3 centres to make sure it’s a full body yes and PAUSING to feel the truth of stages in flow.

My pussy, my heart and consciousness charge all have to point to yes at each stage.

When they do, it’s a fail proof compass to know I’m not going to wake up ‘feeling like shit the next morning’.

If any one of these centres is a no…

Sex is off the table.

THE AFTERGLOW

So the date goes well and you have sex on the table / or you don’t…

What next?

Assuming it still feels good…

Talk about what you loved.

The best experiences I’ve had have been where there is no games with the ‘should I or shouldn’t message them back… Later or straight away’

See flow ☝🏼️… We’re back there again.

And if you liked the connection enough…

Celebrate the party and dance again!

Happy swiping!
Zo x